I Believe in the Kitchen Table

So, possibly for the first time in our marriage, Gary and I sat down at a table and ate dinner together.

To somewhat justify the delay, we didn't have chairs for a long time. And even when we finally got them, they needed to be fixed and were pretty much unusable. Aaand then we has a baby.

Yesterday, my husband was amazing and cleaned the kitchen again. He did such a good job that I was inspired to set the table for dinner. He was just as excited as I was, which I wasn't sure he would be, what with the individual habits we've built up. It was amazing, though - I pulled out the canned fruit, so we had fruit on the side, we sat next to each other and talked (my husband likes to put on a tv show on Netflix, usually), and... it felt like a real dinner. Baby was even asleep for most of it, so we got to enjoy it together. The thought of having dinner at our table together actually makes me want to keep the kitchen clean. Not that I don't like it clean, I just need motivation to make it a priority. I can just picture us in there, just enough room for Baby's high chair on the side, all eating as a family. Even if we occasionally eat in silence or have melt-downs further on down the road, I can see why everyone says family meals are so important.

I like it.

Belated Merry Christmas

Christmas came and went with astonishing speed, considering how long the day felt. We finally got to go home! And... I had my first experience missing my flight. I won't go into details (mostly because it was embarrassing, even if it wasn't entirely our fault); the good news is that we actually did make it on to the next flight, possibly the only two standby passengers to do so. Christmas miracle!

Christmas day we started out with a baby blessing... we got up early because the Kiesters were performing a song, so we were going to rehearse with the pianist. However, five minutes before leaving, baby decided to have a diaper explosion - all over her little blessing dress. As it was, we made it just barely before church started. After church, we waited for the rest of Gary's family to come, ate brunch, and opened presents. The favorite present was at the end - lightsabers. :D Complete with motion-activated noises, including impact.

Next, we went to my family's house. There are advantages and disadvantages to having our families so close, but overall I appreciate being able to have two Christmases. We opened presents and ate a yummy dinner. Baby was much admired (though usually inconveniently hungry). Gary got sucked into a game of Munchkin while I chatted with Mom. We were up quite late... well, just past midnight, I think, but we had been getting tired around 8.

The next few days passed way too quickly, eating and visiting family and eating... Wednesday I was pretty sick, so Gary was a champ and packed everything. (Gary is awesome like that.) We only had a few things we couldn't fit in our bags, one of which is a griddle that I might have used for dinner tonight. Good thing I've learned how to do without it so far. I'm still getting over being sick... I might have gotten some stomach bug or possibly food poisoning. I just hope my digestive system rights itself quickly, because my poor baby is acting hungry all the time, like she's not getting enough milk. :-(

And, for the record, I still don't know what I'm doing about the baby and school (which starts, oh, next week), but the good news is I'm actually studying a little for an exemption test. Almost a quarter of the way done!...

My Happy Place

As everyone surely knows, being a mom isn't all sunshine and roses. However, yesterday wasn't going so well. Baby had been asleep a lot, so it seemed like I should be getting a lot done. But I wasn't. Then, she started to wake up and wasn't screaming. We played and she smiled and I just felt so much better! I only thought having her asleep was a good thing. I had missed her cooing and her smiles and her squirming.

Just wanted to give a shout out to my happy, sweet baby. :-)

Born this way?

I'll try to make this rant as short as possible, since it's on a controversial topic, and I don't like to fan fires.

People seem to think that homosexuals are born with same-sex attraction and thus God meant for them to be that way. I don't know whether or not they are born that way; to me, that is not the issue.

I would just like to take a moment to think about other things people are born with. Clef palates. Misshapen limbs. Genetic diseases. OCD. HIV. Sometimes birth defects are due to direct actions of the mother, such as HIV or fetal alcohol syndrome. Most of the time, though, there is no prevention.

Also, consider those who have chemical imbalances in the brain leading to depression. Some have severe aggression. Something in their genetic makeup led them to be who they are, good and bad.

So... does God intend them to be that way?

Does God intend for me to stay the same way I am now?

He wants us to become perfected through Jesus Christ. Is it easy? It was never meant to be. Most of us at some point don't like or understand what God asks us to do. That doesn't make it okay to assume we know better than God.

I know too many homosexual people to think they are inherently evil or anything ridiculous like that. They are no different than me, except that they have different demons to deal with. The trouble is, most of the world is convinced that those feelings are perfectly fine. I know it was a struggle for those I know to accept that they were having feelings for someone of their own sex, and it certainly isn't easy in our society to live that way. I would never try to belittle the challenges of those I love.

But God has made it clear that acting on homosexual feelings is not in His plan. Marriage is not meant for a man and a man or a woman and a woman. I think I know a few reasons, though I still don't completely understand why.

God never intended us to stay as we were when we were born. That's why we learn and grow.

I'm going to stop while I can. My last thought, though, is that God also never intended for us to hate our brothers and sisters. Only to love and to help.

Lots of words

As promised:

Turns out the jacket was a bit too big.

First attempts at capturing a smile. Cute, but elusive!

The onesie says "Baby's First Halloween." As I recall, she wore it for about three hours. C'est la vie.

Ruffle bum!

Personally, I think she looks a bit old-man-ish in this picture. Which I didn't think when she was wearing it.

Hello!

Showing off my strong baby. She held her head higher before the picture. Figures.

What a hard life... ;-)

They aren't horribly recent, but then times have been a bit rocky lately. I've taken her to waaaaay too many medical facilities these past two or three weeks. I tried to snatch a picture of her smiles yesterday (she was practicing laughing, too!) but of course as the camera came out, the smile turned into crying.

Tease

I was going to post a bunch of pictures of Baby, just because, but I couldn't find the cord to get some new(er) pictures on the computer. So I just looked at them instead.

At least I'm inspired to take more pictures. :-) When I find the cord, I think I'll just do a picture post. She's too cute.

One-track mind

Life right now is basically baby, baby, baby. (And hubby, too... he's just much less needy.) Most of the time I even don't mind - she is, overall, a very good, cute baby. It's even getting to the point where she takes less time to eat and I can generally plan ahead to make sure she eats before appointments and things. We haven't completely figured things out, by any means, but things are going smoother.

Maybe it's no wonder, then, that the thought of going back to school puts me on edge. In fact, most of the time I ignore it simply because I don't want to figure out how it'll work. I was planning on two classes, knowing Gary would be at work during one of them, but it looks like he might need to take a class the same time as my second class. We certainly can't afford a babysitter for all that time, and I don't have enough family close by to try and free-load (said with love). I might need to take her to class with me, which is, as most things in life, easier said than done. If she slept all day, I'm sure it wouldn't be so bad... however, she spends a little more time awake as the weeks go by. I guess at least she's not a toddler or something.

And then there's this insane part of me that just wants to try taking my four remaining classes all in one go. Wouldn't it be nice to just be done? And with a little work now, I could probably test out of one, so it would only be three classes. That's not so bad, is it? I suppose, if I really felt crazy, I could register for all four and drop them if it were too many. That option, though, could potentially create a financial mess, since BYU awards grants based on credit hours. Not to mention the additional homework. Sigh.

Even if I don't get it all done by April, I should graduate by August. That's something to be proud of. Not that I'll be the only woman at BYU to graduate with a child in tow or anything, but that hardly lessens the difficulty for any of us. If I had much more than twelve credit hours remaining, I'm not sure I could have been persuaded to do it. As it is, my husband's loving support (and insistence) is the main reason I decided not to just drop out.

On a completely random end note, I typed this up one-handed. Since it is getting late, I won't re-read it until later, so I take no responsibility for words potentially misspelled in context but missed by spellcheck. That is all.

The Early Show

I just really wanted to document this moment:

While entertaining a bit of vanity, I whimsically decided I should be the next Disney princess (based solely on a good hair day). The only problem? My life is kind of dull. So, I thought I could be the completely ordinary, gospel-centered life Princess. 

Yep, I really did think that just now. A real show-stopper, wouldn't you say?

However, since I don't feel very accountable for my thoughts at 4 in the morning, I wanted to write it down.

Baby, what would I do without you? :-D

Hey, Soul Sister

Second post? Today's not that boring, not yet anyway, I just had a memory that I was reminded of. The song "Hey, Soul Sister" came on my Pandora radio just now (even though it's a "Disney" channel... that's a story for another day I guess...). I have a very pleasant, almost dream-like memory associated with that song.

Last May, I flew out to Utah shortly after arriving home from my mission. I saw my boy for the first time in 18 months and we got engaged later that day. I stayed about a week, and early the morning I was going to fly out, I got the stomach flu. Ugh. So my boy went out and got me crackers and ginger ale, but he still had to go to work that day. After a nap, I woke up to the sun shining through the window, the sounds of people splashing in the pool of the apartment complex, and Hey, Soul Sister playing.

I find it amusing that I have such a pleasant recollection of a time that involved the stomach flu, but in spite of my inability/lack of desire to do anything but lie there, I was warm, the sun was out, and I was engaged to a wonderful man. Who, by the way, woke me up when he came back from work with a kiss. What a sweetie. :-)  And I guess I did get to stay another few days as a result.

Even if I got my fiancee (and the girls I was staying with) sick. Whoops.

Another update

One day, I aspire to add pictures. At this point, it isn't even lack of knowledge, just laziness. I haven't uploaded pictures for a while, so I don't have any recent ones of the cute baby.

You know, this whole mother thing has literally become my life. I don't always like it. (I LOVE being a mother - I just don't love that I let myself be consumed by it.) It's probably because she still doesn't have anything like a regular eating schedule... sometimes she eats every three hours, sometimes two, occasionally four, and even less than one hour if she didn't eat much before falling asleep or if she's fussing. So, with that, I don't get out much. I've still only had one "big" grocery shopping trip with her, and I didn't know where to put her, so I just shoved everything in the 'seat' section of the cart and the very front. Needless to say, I didn't end up getting all that much (oh I lied, I did use the bottom little rack for a few things, too). Yeah, I only leave the house if my husband needs something or if I've just fed her. Or doctor appointments.

I guess that's the only part I don't like. I let my fears about motherhood keep me cooped up inside. What if it's too cold to take her on a walk? I can't take her to busy places, which is just about everywhere that's warm, so I'll just keep her at home. What if she gets hungry and starts crying when I'm out? These fears aren't completely controlling me anymore, but they still have a firm grasp on me. More often than not, I just stay home. I also hold her a lot because of my mom fears. With acid reflux, she spits up a ton, so I don't want to put her down too soon after nursing. I let her uncertain sleeping schedule prevent me from taking naps (she might wake me up in five minutes to feed, anyway!).

I guess I'll get used to it eventually. She really is a joy. Sometimes I remember that better than other times... but she is so darn cute that it's hard to be too upset if I'm really looking at her and loving her. She's got these amazing chubby cheeks, a little pouty lip (not usually pouting, though), a cute smile, and this funny refusal to let her arms and legs be tucked in for very long. She loves her arms up by her face or head, and she makes the funniest little grunty noises. She doesn't fuss much, even when she's fussy.

Basically, the award for Best Baby EVER goes to Emily. :-)