This will probably be a quick update, because I'm a little torn between not wanting the whole world to know and yet really wanting to talk it through a little bit.
I had a baby on Sunday! My water broke bright and early (whoever said it wasn't gushing LIED TO ME), and eventually out little baby was born Sunday around 5:30 PM. However, near the end of pushing, her heartrate dropped and didn't really go back up again between contractions. So the doctor came in, got some forceps (because she was also facing up instead of the preferred down), and pulled her out. Well, helped me push her out faster. Turns out the cord was wrapped twice around her neck so her apgar was quite low - color, tone, and umm I can't remember all the categories right now. She went straight to the NICU to help facilitate her breathing, which wasn't going well.
She was off the respirator pretty quickly (maybe 36 hours?) and her breathing and heartrate and everything were great. However, possibly due to her body's trauma, she wasn't taking in food very well at all. So she's still there, trying to get off the IV and gain weight. I go in twice to try and nurse her, but nothing really happens. She latches a few times, sucks for a minute if I'm lucky, and usually falls asleep or gets fussy and just wants to cuddle. She wants to suck, but I don't blame her for wanting the soothing motion of sucking without any more food to add to her poor tummy. It's sad... but I am glad I get to go in and hold her, that she's stable in just about everything else. They moved her to the transitional room late last night, having already moved her into a "well-baby" crib yesterday afternoon (though she was moved into the transitional room mostly because they had a lot of babies to admit to the NICU last night). We're just waiting for her to start taking that food.
So here I am, a pumping mom without a baby at home. She is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen and we want her so bad. We're just grateful that she is at least not doing worse, and that she's being taken care of. I think I'd rather have her in the hospital with an IV than at home losing weight and being miserable. Just not something I ever imagined would happen. Especially because all during pregnancy, we were focused on something completely different. They never even talk about her kidneys or hydronephrosis. A bit of a shocker, and hard in an unexpected way, and almost difficult to believe I really am a mother. At least I have a little baby to cuddle when I go to the hospital.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
On a roll... almost
I've felt so dang domestic lately. Possibly because most of this weekend I felt really out of it and did, um, pretty much nothing. Really. My husband was wonderful and even cooked for us, cause I didn't want to. Things have been looking up, though! I've actually been making us lunches (I planned one today, and even got the rice all cooked, when Gary called to tell me his work was feeding him lunch), I made granola bars yesterday, Gary and I (mostly Gary) washed dishes yesterday, and today I tried a snazzy new way to cook brown rice and wrapped up the majority of the granola bars to go in the freezer - I made a real big pan for that purpose. We still have at least 5 or 6 in the fridge. (They're moist but crumbly, and I figure they'll hold together better if refrigerated.)
I just noticed I have a ton of asides just now. Half this post may or may not be in parenthesis.
Anyway, an unfortunate downfall of my domesticity is that I try and get it all out at once, so when I'm done, I'm kind of tuckered out. I think, Oh, I'll feel better in an hour or so, but perhaps by the time the hour is up I'm used to sitting down, or I'm still tired, or what have you, so I just continue to not do more.
What am I complaining about though? Productivity that makes me tired? At least I'm getting something done, I'm definitely excited about that. Maybe I'm just complaining. The activity brings out my lower back pain, especially when I'm bending over or hunched over cooking (I don't know why I feel my face has to be so close to the food, but I find I hunch over a lot cooking), and the pain in my back is only sort of relieved when sitting. Maybe I should try lying down in bed reading?
Heh. Random aside: the doctor asked about swelling on my last visit, and I told him I'd been a little more swollen-feeling than usual. He informed me that I could try lying on my side and try not to be on my feet, that would help. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I hadn't been on my feet hardly at all the past few days, or that while I don't lie down very often, I usually sit with my feet propped up, either on the couch next to me or a little stool in front of the couch. I figure the swelling had something to do with my funk this weekend (though I'm glad my blood pressure was still really good!), maybe that I was a little extra swelly because I was so very inactive.
Well. I'm done with any complaining, I think. I really am pretty proud of what I have accomplished, I just have so much left still to do! My dear husband tries to comfort me with things like, "You're pregnant, you aren't supposed to do anything," or, "It doesn't need to be done right now, you're fine," but those don't really help... I just gotta take baby steps I suppose. And lest I don't give my husband enough credit, he makes me laugh all the time and does make me enjoy life more. Those particular comments just weren't helpful to me.
I just noticed I have a ton of asides just now. Half this post may or may not be in parenthesis.
Anyway, an unfortunate downfall of my domesticity is that I try and get it all out at once, so when I'm done, I'm kind of tuckered out. I think, Oh, I'll feel better in an hour or so, but perhaps by the time the hour is up I'm used to sitting down, or I'm still tired, or what have you, so I just continue to not do more.
What am I complaining about though? Productivity that makes me tired? At least I'm getting something done, I'm definitely excited about that. Maybe I'm just complaining. The activity brings out my lower back pain, especially when I'm bending over or hunched over cooking (I don't know why I feel my face has to be so close to the food, but I find I hunch over a lot cooking), and the pain in my back is only sort of relieved when sitting. Maybe I should try lying down in bed reading?
Heh. Random aside: the doctor asked about swelling on my last visit, and I told him I'd been a little more swollen-feeling than usual. He informed me that I could try lying on my side and try not to be on my feet, that would help. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I hadn't been on my feet hardly at all the past few days, or that while I don't lie down very often, I usually sit with my feet propped up, either on the couch next to me or a little stool in front of the couch. I figure the swelling had something to do with my funk this weekend (though I'm glad my blood pressure was still really good!), maybe that I was a little extra swelly because I was so very inactive.
Well. I'm done with any complaining, I think. I really am pretty proud of what I have accomplished, I just have so much left still to do! My dear husband tries to comfort me with things like, "You're pregnant, you aren't supposed to do anything," or, "It doesn't need to be done right now, you're fine," but those don't really help... I just gotta take baby steps I suppose. And lest I don't give my husband enough credit, he makes me laugh all the time and does make me enjoy life more. Those particular comments just weren't helpful to me.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Take it all back
I think I can gracefully eat my words. Weeks 35 and 36 were pretty great... sometime in between, however, a switch flipped and I am perpetually uncomfortable. Maybe it's just the past few days - I was sitting for about 5 hours at a prenatal seminar on Saturday and yesterday I felt pretty funny. Today so far isn't a whole lot better, and the worst part (for me) is that I really don't want to do anything. I mean, I really do want to get a lot done, since I don't plan on having a lot of time to run errands the first few weeks of Baby's life, but then I think about moving my body around and motivation is gone. I half-heartedly offered to drive my husband to school this morning because then I would be able to go to a few places (like Walmart and Babies 'R' Us), but first off I didn't really want to (though I think I might have been able to just sit in the car, which is why I even offered at all), and secondly by the time I offered I think we both knew he wouldn't be going anyway. I'm so nice.
I guess I thought the biggest reason women were so anxious to have their babies (aside from, you know, actually wanting the child) was because they got so big. Well, I'm not massive, even though I feel like it, but I think I understand that it isn't the biggest part. Just the discomfort. Oh well. At least it's still mostly fun to feel her wiggling around in there. Three or four weeks really isn't that long, right? And most of my "discomforts" haven't been serious for more than a day or two.... maybe this episode won't be any different. (I'm pretty convinced that God was extra nice to me during pregnancy because of Baby's medical condition - she only has one complication and appears very healthy otherwise, and I've really had things pretty good, especially after the first trimester.)
And you know what? I probably wouldn't be complaining much at all if my poor husband were feeling better. We can't both be sitting around doing nothing... though he was extremely nice to me yesterday and made us dinner. However, I feel bad asking him to do things I really feel like I should be able to do when he has been working so hard and feeling so gross. Aaaah, well, we aren't starving anyway.
I guess I thought the biggest reason women were so anxious to have their babies (aside from, you know, actually wanting the child) was because they got so big. Well, I'm not massive, even though I feel like it, but I think I understand that it isn't the biggest part. Just the discomfort. Oh well. At least it's still mostly fun to feel her wiggling around in there. Three or four weeks really isn't that long, right? And most of my "discomforts" haven't been serious for more than a day or two.... maybe this episode won't be any different. (I'm pretty convinced that God was extra nice to me during pregnancy because of Baby's medical condition - she only has one complication and appears very healthy otherwise, and I've really had things pretty good, especially after the first trimester.)
And you know what? I probably wouldn't be complaining much at all if my poor husband were feeling better. We can't both be sitting around doing nothing... though he was extremely nice to me yesterday and made us dinner. However, I feel bad asking him to do things I really feel like I should be able to do when he has been working so hard and feeling so gross. Aaaah, well, we aren't starving anyway.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Too much information
So... I have this feeling like I'm Too Much Information Woman lately. Let's face it - there's a lot of unpleasant things about pregnancy, things that aren't normally dinner table appropriate but since it's just me and my husband, I feel pretty welcome talking to him about it all the time.
And sometimes, I feel like that makes me feel open to talking about it all the time to everyone.
Sorry if I've already been like that. I do try and reign it in, but really, it's all that's on my mind. I think perhaps other pregnant women/mothers are more open, but even then I wonder if they really feel comfortable about it. (I wouldn't mind hearing some otherwise "TMI" details; maybe that's why I feel so open...)
Ah, well. Maybe I'll just blame pregnancy itself. Hormones can do weird things to a girl, right?
And sometimes, I feel like that makes me feel open to talking about it all the time to everyone.
Sorry if I've already been like that. I do try and reign it in, but really, it's all that's on my mind. I think perhaps other pregnant women/mothers are more open, but even then I wonder if they really feel comfortable about it. (I wouldn't mind hearing some otherwise "TMI" details; maybe that's why I feel so open...)
Ah, well. Maybe I'll just blame pregnancy itself. Hormones can do weird things to a girl, right?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Staying at home
One day I'll get this stay-at-home business down. At least I'm doing laundry right now, hooray! And I have some distant plans to go to the grocery store, but in all honesty I could do that tomorrow and be perfectly happy with my life. (Unless I was a total slacker all evening - but how can I be, I'm doing laundry! heh..) I just get so distracted and unmotivated so easily... I really do want to at least start some dishes, but so many other things are more fun. Even the laundry is more fun. Or I sit down with my laptop while munching on some food and don't get up again for another twenty minutes or so.
Or I decide to write a blog post for no apparent reason...
On the brighter side, I got a package from Amazon today. I scored a pretty sweet deal on a pump and some bottles/accessories. It was like getting a new toy, but a really weird new toy that I don't know what to do with. And that I'm pretty sure I have to clean. Hah. It was still exciting, though - once that crib comes out of the box, we'll pretty much be set to go (and getting that crib mattress.... yeah). Pretty soon I'll trek over to Babies 'R' Us for my "completion" discount, using up the last little bit on our sweet gift card.
Just a few more weeks.... I can't believe it. I feel like I should be more excited than I am - right now I'm pretty content to just have her cooking away in my tummy, feeling her squirm around. Don't get me wrong, I can't even imagine how much more amazing she'll be once she's here and how much we'll love her, it's just... I know our lives will change forever the minute she comes out, and that's pretty intimidating. I just went to a class on nursing and it sounds like that's all I will be doing for the first two weeks of her life (or more).
At least maybe this way I won't be impatient if she comes 'late,' though maybe the anticipation of her being 40+ weeks is what keeps me unprepared for her imminent arrival.
Well, I think the whites are done and I should probably fold them while I still have incentive. Hooray for laundry!
Or I decide to write a blog post for no apparent reason...
On the brighter side, I got a package from Amazon today. I scored a pretty sweet deal on a pump and some bottles/accessories. It was like getting a new toy, but a really weird new toy that I don't know what to do with. And that I'm pretty sure I have to clean. Hah. It was still exciting, though - once that crib comes out of the box, we'll pretty much be set to go (and getting that crib mattress.... yeah). Pretty soon I'll trek over to Babies 'R' Us for my "completion" discount, using up the last little bit on our sweet gift card.
Just a few more weeks.... I can't believe it. I feel like I should be more excited than I am - right now I'm pretty content to just have her cooking away in my tummy, feeling her squirm around. Don't get me wrong, I can't even imagine how much more amazing she'll be once she's here and how much we'll love her, it's just... I know our lives will change forever the minute she comes out, and that's pretty intimidating. I just went to a class on nursing and it sounds like that's all I will be doing for the first two weeks of her life (or more).
At least maybe this way I won't be impatient if she comes 'late,' though maybe the anticipation of her being 40+ weeks is what keeps me unprepared for her imminent arrival.
Well, I think the whites are done and I should probably fold them while I still have incentive. Hooray for laundry!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Looking back, looking forward
Today, of course, is pretty historic. I kind of hoped I'd written down something in my journal on that day, but that was before I was very consistent. I still might have... however, I packed the journal it might be in underneath a bunch of other boxes already.
My story is a little different: I was in Switzerland with some family and we had spent the day out sightseeing. As we got in the car (maybe around 6 PM?), my uncle turned on the car. I remember hearing some words I actually recognized (like "American") but didn't think much of it until we got back to where we were staying and my uncle turned on the television. He told us that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, and I remember looking at the image of two towers in flames. It was a pretty quiet night. Most people we talked to after that, upon finding out that we were American, were sympathetic. However, our main concern was that we were planning on travelling home soon, and would we be able to fly out when scheduled? Maybe that was very selfish, but being away from it all and certainly not putting a damper on a vacation, we didn't dwell a lot on the event.
Today, Gary showed me some footage from the live news coverage. I actually saw a plane fly into one of the towers, which I'd never seen before. And I wondered how someone could do that, and felt that sort of sickness I'm sure everyone already felt thinking about the people on the plane and in the tower. I realized the bravery of the first responders who tried to help those in the buildings and surrounding areas, not knowing that they would collapse.
It's funny how ten years later, I think I'm more impacted than I was on the actual event.
However, I'm grateful for where we are. I don't know how I feel about this war on terrorism, but I hope that the world is at least a little better for what we have done in the past ten years. That we are better. Sometimes... well, I don't always feel that patriotism that I felt back then as we all pulled together to show our support and take strength from each other. Sometimes I feel things are worse than ever in the government. And that they'll only get worse. But maybe we'll continue to stand by each other, in spite of how we feel about politics. Who knows.
In other news, I'm in the "home stretch" of pregnancy and looking forward to a new little life. And I'm pretty confident that we'll be able to raise her in a good home, that she'll be relatively safe, and that we can teach her the morals and ideals that I knew and loved growing up.
So at least a terrorist attack didn't change our fundamentals. Take THAT.
My story is a little different: I was in Switzerland with some family and we had spent the day out sightseeing. As we got in the car (maybe around 6 PM?), my uncle turned on the car. I remember hearing some words I actually recognized (like "American") but didn't think much of it until we got back to where we were staying and my uncle turned on the television. He told us that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, and I remember looking at the image of two towers in flames. It was a pretty quiet night. Most people we talked to after that, upon finding out that we were American, were sympathetic. However, our main concern was that we were planning on travelling home soon, and would we be able to fly out when scheduled? Maybe that was very selfish, but being away from it all and certainly not putting a damper on a vacation, we didn't dwell a lot on the event.
Today, Gary showed me some footage from the live news coverage. I actually saw a plane fly into one of the towers, which I'd never seen before. And I wondered how someone could do that, and felt that sort of sickness I'm sure everyone already felt thinking about the people on the plane and in the tower. I realized the bravery of the first responders who tried to help those in the buildings and surrounding areas, not knowing that they would collapse.
It's funny how ten years later, I think I'm more impacted than I was on the actual event.
However, I'm grateful for where we are. I don't know how I feel about this war on terrorism, but I hope that the world is at least a little better for what we have done in the past ten years. That we are better. Sometimes... well, I don't always feel that patriotism that I felt back then as we all pulled together to show our support and take strength from each other. Sometimes I feel things are worse than ever in the government. And that they'll only get worse. But maybe we'll continue to stand by each other, in spite of how we feel about politics. Who knows.
In other news, I'm in the "home stretch" of pregnancy and looking forward to a new little life. And I'm pretty confident that we'll be able to raise her in a good home, that she'll be relatively safe, and that we can teach her the morals and ideals that I knew and loved growing up.
So at least a terrorist attack didn't change our fundamentals. Take THAT.
Friday, September 2, 2011
40 weeks?
Is it normal for expectant moms to get antsy around 38 weeks? I'm pretty sure my "due" date is at 40 weeks, but I was talking with a woman at church on Saturday who just had a baby and both her kids were born just after 38 weeks. I was a little concerned (as I think I mentioned) that for some reason my baby might come early due to health reasons; however, I did talk to my doctor and he didn't see any reason why she should be early. AND my family (both our families) have a history of being later, rather than earlier. I don't think my husband's mom was very overdue, but my poor mom was, usually by several weeks. I'll be content with 40 (I say at an easy 35. My life really isn't horribly inconvenient just now.)
I bring it up because one of my husband's co-workers friended me on Facebook and she's about a month ahead of me, pregnancy wise. However, for the past week or so, maybe more, she's been posting about how she's ready for her baby to come any day now.... and she's barely over 39 weeks. I guess the babies come any time between 36-42 weeks, but why would the "due date" be at 40 weeks if it weren't some sort of norm? I mean, as "norm" as you can get with little babies and giving birth and all that.
Probably just me. I'll probably change my mind in a few weeks (is it really only 3 weeks until I'm at 38 weeks??), when I hear I'll be 'done' being pregnant. However, as of right now, I'm really content to let my body do it's own autopilot take-care-of-the-baby thing....
I bring it up because one of my husband's co-workers friended me on Facebook and she's about a month ahead of me, pregnancy wise. However, for the past week or so, maybe more, she's been posting about how she's ready for her baby to come any day now.... and she's barely over 39 weeks. I guess the babies come any time between 36-42 weeks, but why would the "due date" be at 40 weeks if it weren't some sort of norm? I mean, as "norm" as you can get with little babies and giving birth and all that.
Probably just me. I'll probably change my mind in a few weeks (is it really only 3 weeks until I'm at 38 weeks??), when I hear I'll be 'done' being pregnant. However, as of right now, I'm really content to let my body do it's own autopilot take-care-of-the-baby thing....
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