Just another update

This will probably be a quick update, because I'm a little torn between not wanting the whole world to know and yet really wanting to talk it through a little bit.

I had a baby on Sunday! My water broke bright and early (whoever said it wasn't gushing LIED TO ME), and eventually out little baby was born Sunday around 5:30 PM. However, near the end of pushing, her heartrate dropped and didn't really go back up again between contractions. So the doctor came in, got some forceps (because she was also facing up instead of the preferred down), and pulled her out. Well, helped me push her out faster. Turns out the cord was wrapped twice around her neck so her apgar was quite low - color, tone, and umm I can't remember all the categories right now. She went straight to the NICU to help facilitate her breathing, which wasn't going well.

She was off the respirator pretty quickly (maybe 36 hours?) and her breathing and heartrate and everything were great. However, possibly due to her body's trauma, she wasn't taking in food very well at all. So she's still there, trying to get off the IV and gain weight. I go in twice to try and nurse her, but nothing really happens. She latches a few times, sucks for a minute if I'm lucky, and usually falls asleep or gets fussy and just wants to cuddle. She wants to suck, but I don't blame her for wanting the soothing motion of sucking without any more food to add to her poor tummy. It's sad... but I am glad I get to go in and hold her, that she's stable in just about everything else. They moved her to the transitional room late last night, having already moved her into a "well-baby" crib yesterday afternoon (though she was moved into the transitional room mostly because they had a lot of babies to admit to the NICU last night). We're just waiting for her to start taking that food.

So here I am, a pumping mom without a baby at home. She is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen and we want her so bad. We're just grateful that she is at least not doing worse, and that she's being taken care of. I think I'd rather have her in the hospital with an IV than at home losing weight and being miserable. Just not something I ever imagined would happen. Especially because all during pregnancy, we were focused on something completely different. They never even talk about her kidneys or hydronephrosis. A bit of a shocker, and hard in an unexpected way, and almost difficult to believe I really am a mother. At least I have a little baby to cuddle when I go to the hospital.